So, today is the 4th of July. Spent it with my dad's side of the family, and my boyfriend Chris.
Who means the WORLD to ME!!! Whenever I get into one of my spells where it feels as if nothing can go right.
I just look at him, and it all changes.

In a few years.
I plan on moving to the U.K.
Fuck Amerika.

I'm trying so hard to get a job, and become responsible.
I've been trying.
and trying.
and trying.
I've applied every where I can think of.
I should have interviews lined up.
Do I?
No, I don't.
I'm tired of all my friends saying behind my back
that I'm unrealistinc,
unresponsible,
and that I need to grow up.
You're the ones who need to grow up.
NOT ME.
Mmk. I do talk about people behind their backs, but not as much as some people I know.
(You guys can hate me if you want to.)

I am trying to grow up,
I am realistic,
and I am responsible.
Mmk.
So, maybe I don't know how to handle my money that well.
But, then again no one does.

I have less than a month to have a job.
(I have until July 1st)
Or it's out on the streets for me.
Every time I'm not with my friends.
I've been applying for jobs.
Wheter it's online, or going into the store,
and asking for an application to fill out.

I've been thinking about what Alex said when he was reading my palm
at Raquel's graduation party Sundat night.
Maybe he is right.
Maybe I'm not going to get married,
or have children.
Maybe I will become a Nun.
Though,
I do hate nuns.
And I don't believe in god,
or any of that sort.
The Bible is just a book of poetry,
and short stories in my eyes, and mind.


I try so hard,
but every thing I do is wrong.
I try to make every one happy for me,
but I just let them down.
Every single time......


I'm tired of this.
My life isn't what it used to be.